After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
