I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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