i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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