i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
