I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
