weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
