Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
