drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
