a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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