why didn't you poke me back
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
