Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
