dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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