youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
