I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
