ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
