are you still at the devil's house?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
