I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
