how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
