It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
