you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
