I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
