There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
