There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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