just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
