if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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