Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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