I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
