he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
