i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
