Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
