I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
