Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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