I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
