Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
