I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
please come you make the beer taste better
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
