I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
