Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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