I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
