I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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