There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
