3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How does it feel to date your dad?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
