speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So squirting runs in the family.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
