I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
