you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
