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So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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