I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
