Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
