moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
