Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
