Whod you bang
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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